I've heard it many, many times before how quickly this time passes you by when your children are infants and my oh my I can't stress how true that is! I can't believe it's been so long since I've had two hands free to post a blog either! Our little man is now five weeks old and while I have only really gotten out of the house for his doctor's appointments (he's gaining really well and weighed in at 8 lbs, 11 oz on Tuesday!), I was able to escape the house with my little man in tow to meet Lynn and Tasha for coffee - and of course MariLynn came along with her new lens :-)
It was GREAT to get out of the house! I was a little anxious not knowing how he would handle being out and about because he seems to be lacking in some much needed long day time naps which causes him to be a cranky mister. I didn't know how I was going to be able to handle him if he started crying too much if he was to become overstimulated if he didn't fall asleep. The three of us gabbed away 4 hours and I couldn't even believe it! What I couldn't believe most of all is that you will notice that it's day time and we have a sleeping baby on our hands :-) He slept the whole time and woke for feeding twice and was back fast asleep. I thought I would enlist the advice of many of your seasoned Moms out there who have any advice for me. Any advice is appreciated :-)
If any of you follow me on Twitter, you may have noticed I've been tweeting a bit about my little peanut's sleep "issues" that occur during the day time. For some reason, he just doesn't stay asleep in the day time for any longer than an hour and most especially he will usually wake if he is put down. So basically I have to hold him nearly all day long other than for his activity time when he wakes up from his short naps and is interested to watching his mobiles etc. which is really for only a very short time. (This would be when I'd burn through the kitchen trying to fix myself a snack or something! lol) Most of his day time nap lengths range between 20 - 45 minutes when they should be between 1.5-2 hours of consolidated sleep. He'll awake after a short sleep cycle and wants to be back at the breast. So rather than feeding every 2-3 hours during the day, he wants to eat every hour or so. I'm starting to wonder if he's developing into a day time "snacker" but I think it's more likely that he then tries to pacify himself (back to sleep), but on me! It's really tough because it now seems like he cannot go to sleep unless he is at the breast and must be in a deep sleep for me to swaddle him up to put him down, otherwise he will spring back awake! The only time he's every fallen asleep not in someone's arms (he has fallen asleep a few select times while someone else was holding him), was driving in the car.
Night time is not a problem (thank heavens!) as he will stay asleep and only wake for his feedings and that is tough enough on it's own :-D. But during the day, when you have a baby on your hands who doesn't like to stay down for his much needed sleep, you get a cranky little mister and a mama who can't get any rest during the day either!
I feel so conflicted about his nursing to sleep "issue." I say issue because the only reason it raises concern to me is because I'm hoping that we're not developing a negative sleep pattern that we'll have to break down the road (i.e. that he'll "need" to nurse to sleep for much longer than these first few early months). As a mom, I want to give him what he needs and he tells me what he needs by rooting. I simply cannot/will not deny him if he's communicating to me that's what he wants/needs. I get some people telling me "oh that's not good" and others telling me "it's natural" and not to worry that it won't last (I really like this answer!). I've also learned that there is, in fact, a substance in breast milk that makes the baby sleepy, so when you think about it, it does seem natural that he would want to sleep after feeding where he's all cozy next to mom and where he can soothe by suckling (the only thing he can really do at this age). I also experimented introducing a pacifier to him and he wants no part of it. I never thought that I would want him to take a pacifier, but now I wish I introduced it to him EARLY. I'm beginning to think that if he were able to soothe himself to sleep/while sleeping, we might not have this little "issue" of his short day time napping and consequent shorter feedings. I can't really figure out why it's different at night though - night rhythms perhaps?
The Baby Whisperer book was given to me by a friend which tells you that your baby should follow the "E.A.S.Y." routine (i.e. Eat, Activity, Sleep, You). Essentially, feed the baby when he wakes up, change his diaper to wake him up after the feed where he'll engage his awake alert activity time, then when he's showing signs of fatigue, put him down for his nap where you'll have time for "you." Sure!! Sounds great in "theory" but my baby is more of a "E.S.E.A." kind of a fella who wants to eat/pacify in between everything!
So my bloggies and wise resource of expertise and advice, please enlighten me when your advice and/or experience on my little "situation" I have. The Mom in me thinks it will pass as he grows a bit older, but the psych major in me worries about the habits and patterns that we are developing. What do you think? Please enlighten me if you have had any experience with this at all :-)
19 comments:
I had a snuggly baby who slept best near me for about 4 months. I wore him in a sling so my hands could be free and he napped a lot like that.
By the time my mat leave was up, he had long been in a routine of 2 naps per day, plus sleeping at night. He napped in his crib nearly all the time.
I don't believe babies create patterns at this age. They only want what they NEED. and if he needs you, then he needs you. If he needs to eat eveyr hour, that's what he needs. and in a week or two it could all be different.
I highly recommend a sling though. I could have him in it and eat some lunch, sit in the rocker and read a book with both hands, and let my arms rest for when he was actively awake and we could interact.
You'll figure it all out. Try hard not to analyze it or lay expectations on him. He's brand new to the world and will find his way. You'll do it together.
Lots of love to you.
awwww, try not to worry. Every kid is different. :) Both my boys have been rather poor nappers until 6 months or so when I can get them on a schedule. I worried about it with my first and held him for naps all the time (it was really hard!) and he was up for lots of feedings at night. My new baby wakes right up from a nap if I put him down, unless he's really tired. I usually put him down and let him wake up. Sometimes he'll stay asleep. If he's super cranky, I'll hold him for 30 to 45 minutes and then put him down and he wakes up and is in a better mood. This means that at night, he sleeps 6 to 8 hours before feeding and then is back down for 3 or 4 more. When he's a little older (he's 3 months) I'll work on putting him on a 3 or 4 nap schedule. Just do what feels right to you! It'll get better, I promise. <3
Angie I know some people will totally disagree but 3 of my 4 kids liked to sleep on their belly. My little guy especially. He seemed to never sleep, but when I tried the belly during the day it worked like a charm. Also like I tweeted to you, a sound machine using the heartbeat, worked wonders too!
Good luck.
Dude, that's Jack EXACTLY!!! (he "acted" hungry because that was the only way he knew to put himself to sleep) You should check out kellymom.com. It made me feel better about how I was doing things.
Eventually we managed to get him to fall asleep if we rocked/bounced him for AGES. We still need to bounce him a little but it's much shorter. Oh, and read this:
http://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-support/baby-wont-sleep-your-fault/
it made me feel better too.
If he needs to nurse to sleep, at least you have a way to make him go to sleep. You can try other things, but then go back to what works when it gets crazy. (I also liked the books Happiest Baby on the Block and the No Cry Sleep Solution). We're far from an ideal situation right now, but I'm happy that we gave Jack what he needed when he needed it. I found that things were a problem only because they were in other people's minds. If you had no expectations about babies that they were supposed to sleep 2 hours, you'd be just fine with 30 minute naps (one day they will get longer, 4-6 months from now!)
My baby is 9 months old and I still nurse him to sleep most naps and at night. He will also fall asleep in the stroller and car seat. Most of the moms I know have all done CIO (crying it out) to get their babies a)fall asleep on their own and b) sleep through the night. I feel peer pressure to CIO but am totally against this and won't do it. I just recently read the Baby Whisperer, her method (for a child my baby's age anyway) is just a method of CIO. I also HATE her terms "accidental parenting" and "negative sleep associations". How can something so natural and loving be negative??
Anyway, my point is, my baby is NOT a great sleeper by any means, he still wakes every 3 hours at night or so. Although his naps are pretty good (45-90 minutes usually). However, he is such a happy baby and almost never cries. Like someone else suggested, try kellymom.com she has some great points (she is pro-nursing to sleep).
The main thing is, do what is best for YOU and YOUR baby and what feels right for YOU. Babies are all different and can't be raised by the book.
Good luck with everything!!! Your son is absolutely gorgeous!
And Oh Em Gee that article that Randi posted... THANK YOU!!! As I was reading it I got more and more angry lol until I realized what she was saying... So true! I almost cried. This quote tells it all:
"You sacrificed your sleep to help your baby get hers. That doesn’t make you a bad parent, that makes you a loving parent!"
PS: Try nursing him on your bed lying down, that way you can get some zzzz's as well.
OK I will shut up now :)
Heya, I have the same kind of baby and I am still alive :)
What's helped me:
1. Reading about High Need Babies: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/5/t050100.asp
2. Realizing that this will only be for a short time, and who knows, maybe my only time with a baby that needs me so much and needs to sleep on me. So I'm trying to enjoy it as much as possible, knowing it won't last forever. It's what she needs and I'm not fighting it just so I can have more hands-free time (which I'd probably spend cleaning. So haha, which do I prefer: mandatory resting with a baby on my chest, or cleaning??).
3. Newborns have a different sleep pattern than slightly older babies: after about 6 weeks, they'll start to get into deeper sleeps. (It is also thought that's why SIDS risks are higher between 6 weeks and 4 months, and not before 6 weeks - the lighter sleep allows them to wake more easily if something is wrong).
4. Someone else said tummy sleeping: I agree, but I only let her do it on me. Also because of the SIDS risk, often babies do tend to sleep for longer and deeper when on their tummies, but that's also probably partly why it increases risks of sids.
5. Learn to use the computer with one hand :) and get lots of food that you can grab and eat with one hand. Nuts, easy fruit... even pre-make sandwiches or meals for the fridge, when you do have someone around the house.
Try and enjoy it and also: all babies are different, only you know what's best and what feels right. Don't worry about the future: you can't spoil a baby so young! As long as it's not a problem to you, or to him, then why try and fix it? Getting to know him has only just begun!
Lovely pics!
Here's some thoughts....
Keep trying with the soother.
He might not be getting enough in each feeding session because he is frequently nursing, so only drinks a little and wakes because he is hungry?
We used to put a hot water bottle in H's crib and warm it for her to help her sleep better when she was put down. She fussed at being put in a crib but eventually did tire out and fell asleep.
These are the tiring days, take it a day at a time and all of a sudden, one day things seem brighter.
Hello Angie!
Your son is absolutely fantastic!
I also agree with the posters who say he is too young to be creating habits just yet. It is great though that you are concerned about him, it shows that you are a loving and caring mommy!
I had a little munchkin who was the same and I found using the bouncy chair in the daytime worked REALLY well, especially the vibrating feature. He only ever napped in the same room I was in, and I never made it quiet. It seems like your son may enjoy the sounds of conversation to lull him to sleep, since you mentioned he slept really well while you were having coffee with the ladies. What about a CD or just the TV on low, but high enough that he hears it.
I know when my son was about 6months old, he started the not wanting to sleep in his crib thing, and at that point because he was able to hold his head up and was more alert I resorted to the crying it out method (i know many do not agree with this) but I do think it teaches children how to figure things out, and that when they are put to bed, they sleep.
You have a long way till then. But it seems your son is doing really well! The sling thing worked for us too, have you tried one? I guess another important piece of advice is that babies have to also learn that the world does not revolve around him, so if he does cry for a few minutes, he will be fine, in fact it will teach him that you have a life as well (as long as it is no more than a few minutes he will never feel abandoned or alone!)
Enjoy Mommyhood, you are doing great! He is so handsome!
Alicia
Hey there! Long time reader but dont often comment...I am a mom of 4. I would NOT stress. Babies change a ton at this stage. He will be onto something else soon- keep trying the pacifier-like a few times every day..he will get it but needs to be helped. And finally, babies dont fall into a real nap schedule until about 4 mos. Try a bouncy seat with vibration- at Babies R Us?..maybe? Good luck and dont stress- thats number one! You're doing great!!
Amy W, Chicago
Haven't read other posters but here is my experience.
That's almost exactly like my 2nd, who is now 8 months old. When she was little, she barely napped. She was awake most of the day. However, becauase her big sister is 3.5 and is used to LOTS of attention, she was just put places a lot. She would be awake, but she's be in the rocking chair, the swing, the playmat, wherever. She also ate a lot. It took 3 weeks for her to be gaining enough because my milk was just slow coming in. For the first several months I spent many hours a day feeding her. like your little guy, she's always been good at going to sleep at night, just not so much during the day. I honestly didn't stress about it. If you're trying to entertain him during his waking periods, it may be that it is too much stimulation and he just needs some quiet time. Put him somewhere safe, and you can still get things done. Trust me, it's much easier to do now then it will be when he's on the go!
With my first, I never wanted to be out of the room. Even when she couldn't move, I'd bring her to the bathroom with me. with baby 2, I will ensure she's in a safe spot, then do what I need to do.
I am however lucky that baby 2 has an amazingly happy temperment.
Remember that every baby is different. Just because he's not doing what the books say he should, doesn't mean that his needs aren't getting met. Respond to his signals, get a sense of what he needs and remember, each stage has it's amazing parts and it's incredibly difficult parts. I finally got baby 2 napping in her crib when she was about five months old. It took a little work, but she was quickly on 2 naps a day at fairly regular times. Before 6 months, babies needs and natural schedules change so frequently that you can't predict it. Go with your gut and do what feels right. And don't worry about what "THEY" say! Your his Mama and you know what's best for YOUR baby.
First of all, can I just say that your little peanut is really, really cute!! Adorable! I am so glad that you got a happy, healthy baby. :)
Secondly, I think my opinion may be in the minority, because I am one of the moms who let their child CIO, or Cry it out, to get to sleep.
I worked as a NICU nurse for over 20 years, and have observed many, many newborns with their parents. One thing I noticed is that babies KNOW when their moms are holding them. They can sense it, and smell that breastmilk - even through their clothes. Many babies will want to nurse instinctively when being held by mommy, and that may be why your little guy is nursing so frequently..because you are holding him a lot. I think that is also why he slept so well when you went out...because probably some of your friends were holding him, or he was in his seat, right? So he was a little distance from the "all you can eat buffet". :)
I really do think that if you lay him down to eat after a good feeding, he will go to sleep eventually. At first he may cry, because he is used to being held, but within a day or so, I doubt he will do more than whimper a bit. The suggestions of putting him in a vibrating bouncy chair or a swing are good ideas as well. Anywhere that frees your hands up and gives you some time to get things done.
Another positive thing is that if he is away from you, he will probably sleep more soundly. He won't wake up every time you have to move around or get up and use the bathroom or something. And if he sleeps soundly, when he does wake up, he will be more hungry, eat more, and then most likely be more satisfied, so that he will be eating less often.
Of course, as others said, every baby is different, and don't feel as if you are doing anything "wrong". It will all work out in the end. However, I don't think it is cruel to let a baby cry a bit, and if the end result is that he sleeps better and you are able to get a bit of a rest/nap during the day as well, then you have a win win situation! Hang in there, it does get better!
I found that the thing that worked the best for me was getting my daughter on a schedule. My mom (who was a seasoned nurser) suggested this to me after doing it both ways with both me and my brother. I started nursing once every hour for a couple days, then every 1.5 hours and by the time my little one was 2 months we were nursing every 2 hours. I found that when I'd nurse she would really drain me and fill herself up and then would sleep much better during her naps. I would constantly wear a watch and would be pretty strict about timming. It really helped me.
Good luck!
Lauri
I was a human soother for a long time. Similar situation to yours, 3 kids later I survived they are ok and go to sleep on their own. Sleeping wasn't always easy at our home, I stressed about it alot, read far too much, then they figured it out for themselves. My first slept in her car seat for the first 6 months of her life, she loved the thing, only place she'd sleep. Sometimes you just do what you can.
I had one who was a good napper, but woke multiple times a night, and another who would.not.nap but slept good at night. I vote for the night time sleeper any day.
Just give your baby what he wants and don't worry about what he 'should be' doing.
I personally spent much time swaddling my bad napper as tightly as I could because it seemed to help him settle. He also really liked to be bounced (pretty hard, up and down) and taking car rides did not work for him. They are all different. And just when you think you've got them into a schedule, they'll go through a growth spurt and need a new schedule. My bad napper is 17 now and still almost never falls asleep in the car, and if he goes to sleep without being told to, he's probably sick.
That all being said, I have read that the first few minutes of breast milk is mostly water, so it might be that he is nursing for a short time but not getting full. It isn't until you've nursed for more than a few minutes that the milk becomes more fatty. That might be the difference you are seeing between the night and daytime feeding schedule.
sorry can't help with the questions, but I do love the pictures thanks for sharing and catching up!
I have no advice for you as I have no children, but I just wanted to say how beautiful he is!
My little darling spent the first 6 wks of her life attached to one of us pretty much 24 hrs a day. Some people refer to it as the 'fourth trimester'. Newborns can't be 'trained' or 'spoiled' - they really are just reacting on instincts at this stage. You will see a marked difference in his behaviour as the months move on. At the moment responding to his needs, which it sounds like you are doing a great job of, is all he needs and you don't need to worry about much else.
My little girl also was a pretty good night-time sleeper (just waking for feeds then straight back to sleep) and a hopeless napper. She never napped more than 20 minutes to begin with, you could set your watch by it. As she got older it stretched out to 25 then 30 minutes (by about 6 months). Then kinda stayed at that until she was around a year old (last month). She is sleeping the best she has ever slept now, usually around 45 min - 1 hr but with the odd 1.5 hr nap.
It has been a hard year, I get jealous of mothers complaining about their baby napping for hours in the day. But having tried a number of things (NOT CIO though, that is totally against my beliefs) and spent a lot of time with other babies (we have 11 in our mothers group - whom I meet with multiple times a week as we are all so close) I have come to the conclusion that it is just the way she is. Some people sleep a lot, some don't. Similarly for babies.
Ok, enough ramblings and onto the solid stuff...
Things I would go back and tell myself.
Ummm....
- Ditch the coffee and chocolate. It can make a difference when you are breastfeeding. I was in denial about this one for a while and would like to go back in time and slap myself for being so slow about it.
- Swaddling helps.
- Mechanical Swings can help sometimes, good for when they are awake too.
- Pass off baby for cuddles with family/friends during the day to get a break. I used to laugh at my friend who would arrive and immediately say "right, who wants a baby?" to all our childless friends...now I am in awe of her brilliance.
- Expectations; forget the "should's", Go with your gut, no-one knows your baby better than you. Don't forget that people will always tell you the great stuff but not the crap and will exaggerate how great their baby's sleeping habits are (I have caught out people on this one a few times as I am always asking for definite numbers etc). Time also alters peoples' memories - my mum's stories about sleeping patterns differed wildly from my baby diary!
- Time will pass, things will change. You will pine for these days soon enough. Enjoy them.
Don't stress to much about the sleep. Your baby will sleep when he needs it. However, if you need some sleep that is important. In that case, do whatever it takes to get your baby asleep or taken care of so you can sleep.
Some days, I have to put the baby in the pack n play and take a nap. At first, my baby cried but he got used to it. Now, when I need a nap, he an play or sleep.
I would be more worried about you than anything else. Stress and lack of sleep can have negative effects on you and the baby. You don't want to be so tired you get frustrated with your baby.
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