I woke up this morning and shortly thereafter was slapped in the face when I stepped on the scale which showed me UP. That is not progress. Seriously you guys I am upset with my messing around and careless disregard for my daily calorie intake and even though I can nail down a healthy eating lifestyle, I am not ready to free myself from calorie counting until I get to my frigging goal. The problem is, it drives me friggin nuts counting everything. But what other choice do I have? Is following the WW plan any different? Not really.
So I was alone with my thoughts the entire way to work thinking about why after all I have achieved in weight loss and after all I have been through to lose 120 lbs, do I continue to find myself in the same cycle of failed attempts to keep going?
Where is that vigor that I used to have where I would not accept anything less?
Back then, it was my top priority and I found a way to make it work no matter what. I think it is the fact that I no longer consider myself on the side of obesity that made me stick out in a crowd. I am still overweight, but at a place that I really don’t care what anyone else thinks of me. I never really did though. Maybe it’s maturity, or maybe it’s pride for what I have already accomplished to date, but honestly, the only person I care about “caring” is me. But that’s the thing though, I DO care, I DO!!! So why do I keep letting the efforts fail. I LET THEM. I am completely aware that everything I eat and every bit of exercise I do or not do are completely in the realm of my power, so why am I standing in my own way from getting to my weight loss goal? I am tough enough for this I AM, DAMN IT! I’ve already proven it to myself! I don’t have any thoughts of “not being able to” because I have done it. I’m normally pretty good at dissecting my thoughts and working through them, but I have been through this what seems like a million times over the past year and a half.
So to top off the morning I was already having mentally, I had an appointment with my Physiatrist and while I knew that corticosteroid injections were an “eventual” option to deal with my shoulder and hip pain, I didn’t realize that today would be the day. I don’t know why I didn’t expect it though, it has been three years post injuries. Today he decided he would just do the shoulder and I’ll go back for the hip on Monday. I was a brave girl and didn’t “mind” the local anesthetic and the “other” needle so much, but before I knew it, he was helping me lay down on the bed and giving me an apple juice box because I was feeling really woooozy! It was a scarry feeling. It was a nauseating faint feeling. Not pleasant at all :-( He said it was likely adrenaline.
Following the procedure, he wanted me to hang around a while until I was okay to drive, so rather than heading back to the office where my lunch was in the fridge, I went to Subway across the street. I was still feeling pretty weird and not myself, and never even thought to take the pics, so today is a no-pic account, (sorry guys), it was just one of those days and I wasn’t feeling it.
So the injections meant that I was unable to go to Bootycamp tonight and Thursday is iffy because the doc says I have to “gradually introduce” exercise to the area and have to be careful or else my long-term relief can be affected which defeats the whole purpose. And since I have to go back on Monday for the hip injection, we will just have to see if Tuesday next week is in or out.
So right now you guys I’m overall feeling bummed and I guess I just needed to vet and get it off my chest. I just need your support, encouragement and advice. I am all choked up, probably a combination of the morning slap in the face and the procedure which will likely subside. Things like that tend to open wounds related to our car accident and it will pass, but right now that’s how I feel :-(
32 comments:
you have done amazing things, you look fantastic. This is a fight that you need to keep fighting EVERY DAY, every hour, every second every minute. I too thought that once I get to goal I can stop, but i can't this is FOREVER.
I have stopped counting my points and lost one pound the first week not counting, this week I don't know I will know tomorrow, I have a feeling that it will be the same or maybe a tiny gain, which makes me believe that I can't stop counting.
I wish you continued success, keep fighting you are worth it!
You title this post... "I know that I am awesome and unstoppable and I can do it".
I have recently picked myself back up off the ground and am working on getting the 30 + lbs that I gained back off my body.
You are a life force. Don't ever forget it. I have no doubt that you will put your mind to it and get it done. You already eat so healthy.. no you just have to eat less of it.
I have watched you give up sweeteners and add in various "green" and organic foods into your life. You can do it. ((hugs))
I am sorry about the injections... I have heard they are quite painful.
May you find some peace tonight.
Smile, you're beautiful (a la operationbeautiful.com)!
Sending you a big hug and hoping tomorrow you'll feel better.
My WW leader says she doesn't like to think about counting points everyday for the rest of her life, so she only commits to journal for one day (get it, one day at a time?).
((Hug))
H =)
I hate to say that I'm glad to see this post, but I am. I must admit that I've been very jealous of your food pics some days...the m&ms and that danish! And some days i just got sad that you undid so much of your hard work-out with your food choices.
You already do such a great job of journaling your food. Just set a goal - whether it be points, calories, whatever - and make this a place to be accountable. I know our fellow bloggers and I will help keep you accountable!
You eat so healthy! So much green, so many whole foods. All you have to do is put the same focus into eating like you used to. You can do this girl!
And I am really sorry to hear about your shot today - and the one that's coming up. Take this exercise vacation as a time to plan and focus on your eating!
You've done a ton of soul searching and change to your overall attitude of health. IMO you are dong great. If losing some more weight is what you want then you have all the tools you need to do it. Sometimes I think the reason we don't do it, even though we think we want to, is because we also have reasons why we don't want to. There is something you get out of not going full force on the weight loss effort. I would consider that before you expect yourself to completely change your behaviour. Weight is only one tiny aspect of overall health.
You're an inspiration. I started IE just after you did and your exploration of it really helped me.
Wow, girl - Honestly you have been a total inspiration. I followed your blog for a long while now and just reading/hearing about your progress and the steps you take to make sure you're eating healthy & exercising is super amazing!
Now that I have met you in person, and having you push me when we're exercizing, etc - I can see what an amazing woman you really are!
So sorry to hear about those crazy injections!!!!!!
Hey Angie,
I don't think I've ever commented here before, but I just had to chime in and say, you are doing a great job and you'll get your mojo back. I love reading your blog, not just because you've lost all this weight and are therefore a superstar, but also because you have managed to maintain your loss which is so, so much harder! I lost 30 lbs and got over halfway to my goal a few years back and then after some major life changes (quit job, went back to school, ended relationship blah blah) I gained it all back and then some, and now I'm doing my best to get back in the groove.
Anyway, you are awesome and you know exactly what it is you need to do to get where you're going, so just lean on your real life and internet friends to push through the tough times, because you're worth it and loads of people care about you, even random strangers thousands of miles away!
Thanks for everything and best wishes for recovering from the shots and coming back better than ever.
- R
You don't know me, so this may mean nothing to you, but I've been reading your blog for a few weeks and it has had a huge impact on me. So I want to return some of the encouragement you have given me. All I can say is that I think you are amazing, and you are NOT alone! No one makes the best choices all of the time. That's life! And every day is a new chance to start over. The scale measures ONE part of your life. You are not defined by that number, even though some days it may feel that way. You are Angie and you are awesome! Keep it up, and keep blogging... I need it!
**HUGS**
*hugs*
xoxo.
you're my superstar, ang-e-la-la
I think you're doing great, but I'm sorry to hear you had a bad day.
You lost 120 lbs. That's amazing! So you're up one week, so what? If you have to count for a bit, you have to count. It's fairly easy to do.
Somebody above me said they were sad to see some of the choices you made, like a danish and M&Ms. Pffft! If I ate half as healthy as you, I'd be doing all right. I think that holding someone up to that standard is too much pressure.
You didn't say how much you were up, but of course you know that our bodies fluctuate. Maybe it was just a bad moment to weigh yourself?
I know exactly how you feel. I struggle with this constantly. I think that as we accomplish huge goals as we have done we start to slack off and feel more confident instead of looking at the big picture of getting to that goal weight. It is a constant struggle but you have come so far and done so well. You should be so proud!!
I have to ask what is wrong with your shoulder? I have been struggling for some time now with my shoulder and wondering if it is a similar problem...I have been putting off going to the Dr.
Hi Angie,
Have never posted before but have been reading for a long time. You have done remarkably well and are such an inspiration to all of us. You have had a lot of "life stressors" as of late...moving is a huge one. But this is life and nobody is perfect.
Go easy on yourself, girlfriend. You'll get there but don't be so hard on yourself.
Rest and take care of your aching body! I have not had those shots bc I was too scared. I hope they help you.
((HUGS))
Sometimes it really is seeing the forest for the trees, ya know?
We KNOW what's good and we can do it 85 per cent of the time, but the 15 per cent where we might say to hell with it ends up being our downfall.
You do a fantastic job of eating GOOD food and exercising, it's a matter of really taking each day and being honest with ourselves.
I won't give you any advice, because you know what works for you and you do get it done. :)
I so enjoy your blog.
I am grateful you are so open to including the lows with the highs.
Life is about ups and downs,and it's true we shouldn't measure the quality of our life by a number.But it is quite an inspiring feat that you lost 120 pounds-there are so many out there that are wanting to do that too.
I am in a rut about my weight myself and the last few days have been particular downers.
I am proud of you as you are at THIS VERY MOMENT,no matter if you ate something naughty or didn't like your scale number. You are obviously a strong person to have been able to lose all that weight.
Hope the shots help your pain,but do take care of yourself.
You have been a busy monkey moving house and all.
Thanks again for sharing your blog with the world-I love reading your thoughts no matter the mood :)
ANGIE is helping all of us "ALL THE WAY" EVERY day-wooo hoooo!
Angie power!!!!!!!!!!!
"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow
You have done so much and accomplished so much - even with injuries! YOU are a rock star!
Hugs and kisses!
I could have written this post....
Angie, I agree with Marie, when she says that you know what you need to do....the same as me..I know how to exercise properly and eat a balanced, healthy diet, but I totally know how you feel when you say that you are the only one standing in your way. You have 250+ people on the INTERNET, most of whom have not had the absolute pleasure of meeting you in person, who beleive in you 100% and who have no doubt that you'll get there.
Personally, I'll be here for you every single baby step of the way, as I know you will for me. You are truly an inspiration to all of us.
Thanks for being honest, and for being you.... I'm fighting with you, and I look at you and see an amazing beauty both inside and out, and I aspire to be more like you.
Keep it up Ang...One day at a time.
xoxo
Cat
You have accomplished so much, you should be so proud of yourself. I know you want to achieve just that little bit more - and you will. But stop and really take in just how much your relationship with food has changed since the start of your journey. That is really something to celebrate.
Emily
Im simply echoing what has been said and things I KNOW you know deep inside:
you are amazing woman. youve done so GREAT and inspired so many.
YOU CAN DO THIS. and you are SO SMART to lean on all of us while you get your mojo back.
Carla
I don't know what to say to all of you angels other than "Thank YOU!" from the bottom of my heart :-)
*HUGS* Feel better. You'll figure it out and meet your goals...just gotta go through some crap first :/ :)
*HUGS*
Cat's comment brought tears to my eyes.
It's a bad day for sure. Your appointment sure didn't help with the feelings you already had building up and the realization that exercise is out yet again sent you over the top. Just remember that isn't your fault...our bodies fail us sometimes. But you don't have to fail yourself.
You inspire so many people every day. Time to inspire yourself, girl!!
:)
ODE to ANGIE :)
Angie is an gal who always inspires,
As she shares her lifetime desires.
We admire her for all the lost weight-
Who knew a fantastic blog would be her fate?
Her talent for writing has a descriptive flair,
Her kind heart and spirit she is so willing to share.
Angie is a friend to so many she hasn't met for real-
She has no idea how good she makes us all feel!
I wish her happiness as her dreams take flight,
And wish us all balance not to overanalyze our every bite!
Does Angie know she is helping me on my way
And helping so many as she writes about her day?
The good and the bad,the sunshine and the blue,
From many strangers-Angie we all thank YOU!
de-lurking to say how fabulous i think you are :)
i can't tell you how much i have appreciated your blog (and your pictures) these past couple months since i found it. i used to eat healthy like you a few years ago...then my bad day turned into a bad 4 years :(
BUT, your blog has inspired me and pushed me to get back to that place of good healthy eating and putting my health first. take care and thank you. truly.
Like many others that have posted comments today, I too have been reading your blog for awhile and rarely share a comment with you.
Some days your blog is what brings me focus and makes me think about my choices for the day. You have done amazing things (and eat some FABULOUS looking meals!!) and you should proud of where you are. I know days like this one are tough, but as many have said before me, one day at a time and you will find that amazing feeling again.
Great job Angie! I hope after reading all of these amazing comments, they help you feel better! Thank you for sharing with us.
I am especially impressed you achieved your major weight loss after a car accident and you couldn't even exercise and were probably very bummed out about it all plus in pain!
Can I ask you to write a post about HOW you mustered up the courage and determination to do that when everything was working against you?
How did you do it?
Pretty great accomplishment anyways but especially under those circumatances-shheeesh!
Oh man. I am exactly where you are right now and I know exactly how you feel. Why can't I just freaking FOCUS and lose this last bit of weight? WHY?? I want to, I'm just not motivated to. I agree with your thoughts though...maybe it's because we're at a place where we've made such significant changes in our diet and lifestyle (and pants size!) that we feel okay with where we are. Oh sure, I don't feel great about it, I definitely could stand to keep going but I'm just not motivated. And I feel like I'm staying within a 3 or 4 pound range (and you probably are too) so it's not like we're on a path to gain back significant amounts of weight. Oh, I don't know. I just keep on trying and thinking about trying new things (you inspired me to check out a bootcamp in my area!) and I know you'll keep on truckin' too.
One more thing...that may be totally irrelevant but sometimes I think that this could be contributing to my stall. Sometimes I think that subconciously I might be allowing myself to be more relaxed about staying on plan because I know that in a couple months/year I might be pregnant. And while I want to be healthy for that I wonder if I'm letting go a little bit because I know an inevitable weight gain is in my future. Hmmm. Something to think about I guess...
I LOVe your honesty and you are so strong so i KNOW you will move past this!
*hugs* You know I'm here whenever you need to chat.
You are a strong, awesome woman and I KNOW that you will reach your goal.
whenever i read your blog and see your pictures on the side bars i tell myself i can do this... i know i have a very very long way to go and that there will be bumps in the road, but we can all do this...
you're amazing, inspiring and absolutely fabulous...
having a bad day is part of this thing called life, just know that you have a ton of people that are rooting for you and that only want the best for you...
girl, instead of feeling down that you have gained, you should be happy that in the past however many months, you have learned SO MUCH about healthy eating, organic products, spinach in your smoothies and most important of all OATMEAL! (god's gift to our tastebuds)
you had success before losing weight, but you probably were not focusing on eating wholesome, real foods. and now you can - it's like you have double the knowledge and double the power to meet your goals. even superstars like kath and tina had to count calories to lose weight - i don't know why any of us thinks differently!
you are such an inspiration to so many people - i'm rooting for you! i like how someone else said this so i will to - ANGIE POWER WOOHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
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