B'bye WW Online

I finally cancelled my WW Online membership this weekend after not having used it in many many months. I think I am now comfortable approaching my weight loss and maintenance by watching calories through free sites. I have to say, it was hard to actually cancel the membership and that's why it took me sooo long to do it. I had been a member since February 2006 and have logged many a weigh-ins there and acheived a huge milestone of losing 100lbs on the program.

I think I found it so difficult to actually "cut the cord" because cancelling the membership sort of felt like I was saying farewell to the days that got me to where I am today. I was afraid that I would be eliminating my "fall back" plan that I knew worked for me if things didn't work out counting calories on a free site. I also felt kind of "attached" to all of those weekly stats that I had logged. They were like written proof of what I had accomplished.

I thought about going through to print off my stats in some sort of way to have to look back on, but then I realized that I don't need any written proof of what I have acheived. I am living it and breathing it every single day. Even if I were to fluctuate up and down the same 5 lbs for the rest of my life, I still made it here and will never ever leave this lifestyle in the dust the way I have the old one. I don't need to pay someone or something for me to feel that for sure.

Hanging on to a membership that I no longer use is only preventing me from moving forward onto a new stepping stone. This is not referred to as a "journey" for nothing. It's the only real way to describe it. My new stepping stone is one of finding a balance with healthy eating and acheiving better fitness with the cards I have been dealt, in particular with the injuries I'm left with following my car accident which is now 3 years ago. They certainly could have been worse, but they were still bad and they plague me nonetheless. I mention these injuries off and on because they have truly impacted me like no other thing has. It was traumatic and I still live with the physical and emotional affects. They hinder me and they empower me. It is a constant battle trying to satisfy my need to continue my journey of weight loss and fitness while listening to my body when it tells me I've done too much.

It occurred to me after running the 5k in the Bluenose on Saturday that I was proud of my time no matter what results anyone else had acheived for themselves. I may not be considered a "runner" by some people's standards, but I ran, so that does make me a runner even if I'm not challenging any race records or running a longer race.

What if I was at my goal of 155 lbs and ran the race? That's 20-25lbs I would not have been taking with me on the run and maybe it wouldn't have affected me as much as training for it did and maybe my time would have been even better. It's the same reason why I need to lose it for the long term to alleviate stress on my hip. It's all the same stuff. The last 25lbs just has to go.

So all that said, my point is that I'm at a pivotal point where something's got to give and I need to just plow through and do what it takes to move me past this stall in my weight loss. I truly have been sitting here for ages and I hope that by cancelling my WW Online subscription, it is at least mentally symbolic of what I am now ready to move onto.

*takes deep breath and is going for it*